Monday, March 30, 2009


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Friday, March 27, 2009


I want to make you smile as you make me.
I wish you saw my thoughts right through my eyes.
You ask me what I'm thinking. I can't tell you.
You are the stars, and I the empty skies.

In me there is a yearning ever flowing
That needs to reach an end that never comes.
I cannot be myself without you with me.
This is a truth no wisdom ever plumbs.

You laugh, and say that I'm your personal angel,
And this is what I want so much to be.
The beauty of my life is like a passion
That blows right through the person that you see.


I want to help you fly,
But not away from me.
I want what's best for you,
But fear what that might be.

There is no paradox
More difficult than this:
That I would die for you,
Yet not give up your kiss.

So do not mind my madness;
Fly bravely, if you must:
I'll watch you, happy in your joy,
And teach my heart to trust.


I used to doubt you cared for me
When love was bright and blue.
We ran like puppies through a field,
But this I never knew.

We both said we were friends for life,
Not knowing what it meant,
Not knowing how to go through hell
And not somehow repent;

Not knowing love was something hard,
Like stone against the wind,
And life itself might be a prize
The heart would leave behind.

But now I know the depth of love,
And it was worth the pain,
Though not for love nor life would I
Go through that hell again!


I thought I must give up on life
And turn into a stone;
The desert wind quite suited me:
No heart, no mind--just bone.

I thought it would be dumb to try
To want something again;
Wanting turns to need, and then
Transmogrifies to pain.

I laughed at people still in love
Who trusted someone's word;
To make my happiness depend
On faith seemed quite absurd.

I lay alone and wonder-struck,
Sleepless in my bed,
Still numb, still dumb, still ice, ice cold,
Not knowing I was dead.

And then you came and shone upon
My meadow full of snow,
And saw the flowers only love
Could recognize and grow;

And made me feel so beautiful
I shed my cold, cold skin,
And opened up my heart to you,
And, fearful, let you in.

And now, my dear, I am in love,
With all that I've been through.
I know the worst of all the world,
And I believe in you.


I promise you my innocence
When fire fills the sky,
When the sun erupts in ecstasy
And fading furies die.

I want to fill your life with love,
So full you want to cry,
And make myself your land and sea,
Your mirror and your eye.

I lay my happiness upon
The pillow of your sigh;
Your joy, your love, your need of me
Is where my angels lie.


I never wanted to invade
The forest of a friend.
I never meant to plant myself
Beyond where I might end.

But there it was--I wandered in--
And seized a wild field,
And turned its berries into corn,
And took what it would yield.

Years later, we would often walk
Out to the boundary line,
And picnic where the fence once stood
That marked off what was mine.


I never thought I'd fall in love with you.
I thought someday, of course, I'd fall in love.
But what it felt like, I just never knew;
I'd no idea what I was thinking of.
And then, somewhere between my need and pleasure,
Walking neither overjoyed nor sad,
I looked into my heart and saw a treasure
Worth more than anything I'd ever had.
Ah! This is love! I thought. And then I wanted
To give my life to see your happiness.
Suddenly, from nowhere, I was haunted,
Needy, joyful, tearful, glad, obsessed.
My love for you has brought me out of me.
The beauty in your heart has set me free.

Saturday, March 7, 2009


I feel as though my heart lay bleeding
On a countertop.
The pain is like a flooded scream
That cannot, will not stop.

I cannot live, I cannot breathe;
Pain is all I do.
I cannot think how I can be
Long living without you.

Ah, God! I want you back so bad
That I would gladly die
To hold you in my arms again
And not care how or why;

To hold you in my arms again
And tell you of my love,
And then go gladly back to dust
Should I your heart not move.


I guess you just don't know how much it hurts.
I cannot think you know and just don't care.
Destiny provides one's just deserts
By turning out one just as would be fair.
Just as a child learns to its delight
That lying sets one fabulously free,
So you say "love" to get the rapture right,
Getting so the most you can from me.
And then, of course, you tire of your pleasure,
As those who seek but pleasure often do,
And sacrifice by far the greater treasure
Upon the altar where you worship you.
Justice would demand you be the fool,
But you are far more ignorant than cruel.


I know I didn't do so well
The little time I had.
But though I've lost my only dream,
I'm still crazy about you.

You were the first real date for me,
And I made my mistakes.
But though I've paid a bitter price,
I'm still crazy about you.

How much is a love like mine
Worth to you right now?
Other guys might know the ropes,
But I'm still crazy about you.

So what if you would be a little
Crazy, too, like me?
And go for it just one more time,
'Cause I'm . . . well, you already know.


I loved you, but I could not wait forever.

I made my choice, but you would not make yours.

In some delays, a year’s as good as never,

As what is lost no change of heart restores.

I love you still, but cannot think of you

Without the bitter longing of regret.

This, too, will pass, I know, and time renew

The innocence one needs to love, and yet . . .

You were my once, that never comes again,

A happiness untouched by any past.

Whatever love comes next comes with the stain

Of knowing well this love might well not last.

Goodbye, my love! I hope someday you’ll be

Ripe for the love you could have had from me.


I must accept but can't what cannot be.
I see you and my heart dissolves in pain.
You are not dead, but you are dead to me.

What happened to our love's a mystery.
I rummage through our empty past in vain.
I must accept but can't what cannot be:

That someone else now shares your off-hand "we,"
Now feels your tender tongue all feeling drain . . .
You are not dead, but you are dead to me.

I cannot lay aside my agony:
Again, again I play the same refrain.
I must accept but can't what cannot be.

And yet I know this tortured ecstasy
Is just my way of holding you again.
You are not dead, but you are dead to me,

And still I cannot bear to set you free,
That of our love some remnant might remain.
I must accept but can't what cannot be.
You are not dead, but you are dead to me.


I want you back now that you're gone.
My heart's a pit no love can fill.
I stumble through my days of stone
Bereft of joy, bereft of will.

I could not tell myself I loved
You as I did for fear of pain.
Far easier not to be moved,
Than moved to love, and hurt again.

How stupid! I loved anyway,
And now the blame is all my own.
Please rescue me, this torture stay,
And for my sin I will atone.

I Still

In leaving you, I turned away from passion
So that my conscience still might spare my heart.
Though paradise has never been my fashion,
I cannot stand your pain now we're apart.
Love does not leave when it is bid farewell,
Looking back to wave one last goodbye.
Love stays, though vow and circumstance compel
One to ignore its unrepentant cry.
Vases hold the loveliest of flowers
Even as they open, bloom, and fade;
You and I must hold our sweetest hours,
Of hope and need and fierce, fierce pleasure made,
Until they vanish in the darkening shade.

Monday, March 2, 2009


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