Dashing through the bush,
in a rusty Holden Ute,
Kicking up the dust,
esky in the boot,
Kelpie by my side,
singing Christmas songs,
It's Summer time and I am in
my singlet, shorts and thongs
Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut !,
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.
Engine's getting hot;
we dodge the kangaroos,
The swaggie climbs aboard,
he is welcome too.
All the family's there,
sitting by the pool,
Christmas Day the Aussie way,
by the barbecue.
Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!,
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.
Come the afternoon,
Grandpa has a doze,
The kids and Uncle Bruce,
are swimming in their clothes.
The time comes 'round to go,
we take the family snap,
Pack the car and all shoot through,
before the washing up.
Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!,
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Dashing
Stew
Now here's a recipe that I think is just fine:
Find a pot and some fire for heating.
Get some parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme;
Say "Hello" ..... It's Season's Greetings.
Place the pot on the fire with intricate ease,
Then gently dump in a big can of peas.
Take a delicate leaf from your mistletoe,
(Sometimes known as Astronaut's Foot)
Grind it up, pour it in, and season with snow;
Then into the pot you put:
The wings and the heads of two Bummer Bees;
Then tenderly add another can of peas.
Take the buttons from last year's Sanity Clause Suit,
(Now don't think it's all too wierd.)
Stir it all up with one muddy boot;
Add a hair from St. Nick's beard.
Kindly forget the mayonnaise, please;
But now it's time for another can of peas.
(Well, by now you must think I'm insane here,
But if this isn't good, I'll croak.)
Ask your wife, "Do you think it will rain, dear?"
Add her for not catching the joke.
Do it now, don't get weak in the knees;
And on top of your wife pour another can of peas.
(This recipe certainly does sound strange ...)
Add the bark from your Yuletide log.
Spiritually sing, "Away in the Mange"
As you stir in the bark from your dog.
But before you do, remove the fleas;
Then slowly dump in another can of peas.
Now you take a taste and you start to gag,
'Cause you thought, "This stuff, you can't beat it;
I've failed miserably and it's really a drag!"
But .... Dummy! .... Your'e not supposed to eat it.
You stir it all up and you pour it on the ground;
You got peas on earth, good swill all around.
Ready
've been getting ready for Christmas
I'm revving up for the great day
my credit card's cracked and my freezer is packed
'cause I started my shopping in May
The mistletoe's hanging in bunches
'cause the odd Christmas kiss isn't wrong
and the Vicar I've found - quite likes calling round
and exploring my crowns with his tongue
The bin men have gotten quite friendly
they're after a present I fear
they won't feel so chuffed when I tell them - get stuffed
'cause they don't speak the rest of the year
The family is coming for dinner
last year it was quite a good laugh
we ate fairly late - dished the veg on the plate
found the turkey was still in the bath
the Kids are all pink with excitement
'cause Santa will come so they say
their lists are extensive - extremely expensive
and they'll break it all by Boxing day
But it's worth all that fuss Christmas morning
when their little eyes are all aglow
when we're all feeling merry full of goodwill and sherry
and suffering from wind Ho Ho Ho
But please don't forget why we do it
why each year we must go to this fuss
for that guy up above who brought peace and brought love
and who probably owns Toys R Us
Seasonal
Now I've tried all the normal approaches
All the pick-ups an' chat-ups an' stuff
Tried mi hand at so-phistication
Wi' some girls who were nowt if not rough
I've been seen down the discos an' dances
Bought cocktails for them as were broke
In mi quest for the perfect companion
Who'd see me as her perfect bloke
I've dealt with the best datin' agents
I've filled in their forms an' told lies
About how I'm just like a male model
Wi' tight buttocks an' sparklin' blue eyes
I've squandered mi wages on chatlines
Spent two quid a minute on t' phone
Where I've ended up gaggin' for Charleen
Even though she weighs thirty-two stone
I've frequented bars down the dockside
Where there's ladies that's best left alone
An' I've offered mi body quite freely
But I've allus walked home on mi own
So just cos it's comin' up Christmas
An' I've no soddin' prospects in store
I'm wazzin' this e-mail to Lapland dot com
An' I'm hopin' that this time I'll score
Dear Santa, please bring me a woman
Fer some fun in mi fifty-third year
Let's forget all the monogrammed hankies
All the socks an' the chocs an' the beer
You could leave me a fun-lovin' floozie
Or a perfectly sweet English rose
An' what could be quite stonkin' is a lass who loves bonkin'
Now I really would like one o' those
Please bring a voluptuous woman
A partner, a pal an' a mate
I can take for a romp in the boudoir
Wi'out havin' the need to inflate
Perhaps I should spare you the detail
But a session's got nowt to enthral
When your off up to bed wi' a bike pump
An' a puncture repair kit an' all
Please bring me a home-lovin' woman
Cos I've brushed-up mi cookin' technique
No Spam, egg an' chips like mi mam does
But dishes that's sexy an' chic
We'll have seafood an' hot, sticky puddin'
Drink wine 'til we're Mozart an' Liszt
Then I'll make several filthy suggestions
Till she finds one she just can't resist
Please bring me an underwear woman
A lingerie kind of a dame
Who loves to wear silky suspenders
An' doesn't mind me doin' t' same
We can twang at each others elastics
Then I'll climb up the cupboards (top shelf)
Where I'll fling off mi big, baggy Y-Fronts
An' dive in, like the Devil himself
Please bring me a kind, carin' woman
Cos I know I've gone well past mi prime
But I'm sure I can still do the business
If I just take mi tablets on time
I won't pester no more, that's a promise
You won't hear me again, not one squeak
So Santa, please bring me a woman
An' a fresh one each night of the week
Wreck
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole
were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth.
Night
'Twas the night before Friday
and all through the town,
no cops were cruising,
no narks were around.
As we all rolled our joints
to be put in our sacks,
we knew that soon
we'd be stoned to the max.
We drank Jack Daniel's
And smoked Panama Red,
a hit of tea
and man I felt dead.
We were all up that midnight
all of the day, when
there was a knock at the door
that gave us away.
There stood a man
wearing a smile,
so we invited him in
to party a while.
What to our red,
glassy eyes should appear,
two pounds of Columbia
and a case of beer.
So we sat down
and he started to roll,
filled up a glass
and lit up a bowl.
We ask the man
what was his name,
he said Saint Nichol
and drugs is my fame.
So as the man
strutted out of sight,
he said mari-ju-ana to all
and to all a good night.
Dear Husband
Dear Husband, It is time that I must have my say,
I've taken your shit day after day.
I've kept the home peaceful year after year
Now there is going to be changes, so listen my dear.
So you're famous, everyone knows your name,
And you're a specialist by gum, in the transport game,
You think you're so grand with your important job.
But I'm telling you my dear you're a worn out old yob
363 days a year,
You sit on your arse drinking scotch, rum and beer,
You claim it is to keep up the shine on your nose
So Santa can see where he bloodywell goes.
One night a year is all that you work,
You and your eight reisty mates - they're all jerks.
Dasher and Dancer - Speed freaks I say,
The sleigh wouldn't go that quick any other way.
Prancer and Vixen - Just cheap little tarts,
But they look like angels once Comet starts.
Cupids on some freaked out damned power trip,
And Donner...well, she should just get a damned grip
And Blitzen, I almost don't need to say,
Is here getting blitzed with you every day.
All of these years at the front of the sled,
Has gone, I'm afraid, to your crusty old head.
You're a layabout and a drunkard, with a big shiny nose,
And a weakness for elves in black pantyhose.
I'm telling you husband that one Christmas song,
Has made you think that you can do no wrong.
So this year while your out with old Santa's sled,
I am eloping, my dear, with your friend
Thursday, August 7, 2008
All Fruits
All fruits are good for our health. Let us all have a discipline to become healthier physically and mentally.
Fruits2
Fruits can become also a beverage. You can have it freshly squeeze or it can be a fruit shake.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Horses
Do you want to have a good breed and healthy horses? If I were you I will visit Go Horse Classified website. this site aims to help all the people that is looking for a good breed horse. They provide different horses that all the people would love to have. The also have horses for sale. This horses for sale is one of the most quality breed that they selling. This is the chance that all the horse owner is looking for. It is the opportunity to get a horse in a lower price. All horse classifieds are one of the best thing in searching for a horse. It helps all people to search for a good horse. This site also have a free horse add to every people who are interested.
You can get great tips and ideas on having a good breed of horse by visiting Go Horse Classified website. This website is indeed rich with things that you would probably like to have so try it here: http://www.go-horse.com/. The website is very easy to navigate, and since the website layout is very neatly arranged, you will just keep on browsing the neatly organize site
Posts
